Online Dating: A better fishing pole, or just a smaller, more desperate pond?

6 Mar

I go back and forth a lot on the concept of online dating sites. I admit I have been through the gambit. Being single for 4+ years leads to moments of intense weakness where society has wriggled its tentacles into your brain and made you believe you have a tumor in your emotional quadrant which can only be fixed by huddling under the covers in your dark room frantically describing every aspect that makes you you in under 500 characters. When I reach these low points, I have thrown any glimmer of shame out the window and respond to pretty much anyone who emails me, convincing myself that they only LOOK like a creeper, and they were nervous when they typed, “…and love mutilating rabid baby chickens in my basement after a night staring down women’s shirts,” trying to be funny or something.

It often doesn’t take long to realize what I have done and yell obscenities at society for trying to brainwash me again, but really more because I’m mad at myself for tempting fate again. It really is a miracle I haven’t been murdered or sodomized yet.

We all know the people that have found their one true love on a website, gotten married, had babies, lived, for better or worse, happily ever after. Then why is it every time I get to the point I decide maybe I could be one of those people, the only guys that email me are either shy and desperate or pot smoking losers living in their mom’s basement with three kids by three different women (yeah, that ACTUALLY happened). Where is my knight in shining armor dammit!!

I do in fact prefer meeting people organically. The problem is, this is not the fad anymore. Since graduating college, the only ways I actually meet new people are through friends, or at bars. The bar scene is not ideal as drunk generally=horny and music=grinding. This equation more often than not leads to awkward make out session and/or hook ups or a phone number exchange in which the guy tries to get in my sober pants the next day (cause THAT’s gonna happen). My conclusion is that bars do not equal intimacy, reality, or sincerity.

The mutual friends equation generally hosts better results, but can also end in more awkwardness than kicking your one night stand to the curb. Friends of your friends stick around and you often end up bumping into them on occasion unexpectedly after it is decided (mutually or otherwise) that its not going to work. Then, when you cycle through all of them you have to go make new friends so you can have more options to chose from again.

What do you do then, I ponder, when you want to meet new people, avoid awkward post-break off encounters, and not get a drink spilled on you when some drunk dick builds up the semen to ask for your number? Online dating website of course.

In the interests of full disclosure, I will now admit that I recently decided to begin this arduous sojourn once again when LP told me she had had a bit of luck. Thinking of it now, I suppose she ALWAYS has a bit of luck in her back pocket that I never seem to share. Its been about a week since I started fishing and have fallen into the same rut. One or two have peeked my interest, but I’m concerned that it won’t stick for obvious reasons. The excitement has already worn off, doubt has taken root, and I’m getting that negative feeling in my gut.

I guess I’ll update when necessary…I just wanted to analyze a bit. I feel like I have not been given proper choices, so I guess I wanted to bitch a little too.

LP and I were talking about this a minute ago and her response: “You can’t win if you don’t play the game…its like the lottery!”

One Response to “Online Dating: A better fishing pole, or just a smaller, more desperate pond?”


  1. The Carpenter « adventuresoftheprettyreckless - April 16, 2012

    […] couple posts ago, I debated the relevance of online dating (click here to satiate any curiosity). Post posting I went on a few dates off POF. The first was a dud, the […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: