That’s What You Get for Waking Up in Vegas pt1

25 Jun

Sunday April 29, 2012

(I’m putting dates in because, well I’m a slacker and want to have some idea of when these events actually occured as opposed to when I’m posting them)

GO! GO! GO! This vacation actually started Thursday. I didn’t want to work, TOGA was stressy, and he also needed new clothes since he dressed like a salt-and-peppered 16 year old in an old man body. That last point is important because he hadn’t gone real clothes shopping since the last time his mom made him and he asked for my help. Playing dress-up with a giant Ken doll? What girl WOULDN’T say yes to that!!

I left work early Thursday (I’ve been doing that a lot lately…bad employee), we went shopping (got him to, if not buy, at least try on some awesome stuff…grey skinny jeans, mmmhmmm), and we washed the shame of neither of being as in shape as we’d like with $1 mixed drinks at Phat Katz (yes, that is a real bar’s name).

Friday, after showering off the hang over I drove back down to MA, not to go to my real job, but at least get a few dog walks in for my part time job. Sloth came over that night and helped me continue liver preparation for sin city, but I woke up the next morning way too early and fighting a cold.


I refused to be defeated and suffered through a long, grueling day of work. It figured one of my busiest days would be while I was sick, stressed, and still needing to pack.

Sunday was not much better and instead of being drunk on the plane, psyched to be on my way to the city I have referred to my personal Mecca for years, I was tired, pressed for time, and missed my train. I was saved from one of the loves of my life who drove me to Logan on super short notice where I somehow still managed to check in, get through security, and be sitting at my gate with time to spare.

I had a lay over in New Jersey . Stupid TOGA and I make a great pair since this was the first time we realized we had the same lay over and were taking the same plane to Las Vegas. Plus side – we figured it out and spent our lay overs together. Negative side – my seat was in the bowels of the plane and his was close to the rich people, a situation which could have been avoided with better observational skills.

Moving on. First sign this trip was going to be epic: We are waiting in line to get on the plane with the rest of the cattle, and there are these three people behind us looking rather confused, talking amongst themselves. I overheard them and answered a couple questions no one could come up with the answers to. Sometimes I’m a ice person. They were very appreciative and we all started chatting while we waited. One of the women was very interested in mine and TOGA’s relationship and asked him if he was gong to marry me in Vegas. We started giggling as she had unknowingly stumbled into an inside joke (there were bets being placed on whether or not we would get married or one of us would kill the other back home) and we made a polite joke about it. The woman proceeded to tell TOGA that he was crazy if he didn’t marry me because I had “a very calming presence and great child-bearing hips.” I wish I had a picture of his face so I could save that look forever!!

She then told us that we shouldn’t have some cheesy fake Elvis impersonator preside over the nuptials, instead we should ask “Wayne” when he walks by and do it on the plane. Both of us were a little confused and assumed this woman was drunk, high, or plain crazy, but as I gave my boarding pass to the attendant at the front of the line a man and a woman walked up the Premier Seating line to board. They made TOGA wait to allow these people through, damn first class douche bags! I looked over and did a double take because this particular first class douche bag looked extremely familiar. TOGA got through and while waiting behind this duo to board, I kept turning the facts over in my mind. All of a sudden TOGA whispered, “I know that guy from somewhere,” and all of a sudden the pieces fell into place. WAYNE FUCKING NEWTON!!

I tried to inform my cohort secretly as the woman obsessed with getting us married was still right behind us, but he was not on the undercover bandwagon. She noticed his realization, and proceeded to tell Wayne Newton that TOGA and I were getting married. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One 5 hour plane ride away from LAS VEGAS!!!!!

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