Archive | July, 2012

Self Evaluation is Hard

16 Jul


UuuuuuuuUUUUUuuuuuuMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmMmMMmMm, yeah.

I have a lot of thoughts in my head that need to be shared, and no, I am not drunk (entirely). Its only 9, get you head out of the gutter! Whores.

Remember that one time when I got that DUI and then had to go take alcoholic classes (aka 24D classes that were more like therapy, but I hated them so much I called them whatever the fuck I wanted to)? Well I missed a few, for entirely legit reasons (except that one I just slept through), so now I am being re-traumatized visa vie make-up classes. UGH!!

Anyway, tonight the guy I had was cool and more interesting than my actual teacher/therapist/torture supervisor and it didn’t entirely feel like hell…until the end. Fucking ass hole had the audacity to give HOMEWORK!! Who the fuck does that? Fuck.

We had to evaluate out physical/emotional/self-worth relationships to drinking. Basically there’s this sheet with lists of things we have to circle if they have been affected by our drinking. AND THEN we have to give it to a friend or family member and have them do the same thing. Hells balls if I’m giving it to a family member, so I gave it to LP aka my best friend, aka the only one I trust not to judge or lecture me in any way.

Partially it was a slap in the face, partially I already know I may or may not have a problem, but mostly I don’t need to tell some sweaty, fat, bald man that doesn’t give two shits even if I do! I’m ok with where I am despite my hiccups here and there, I’m alive, I’m still having fun, so just, stop. Would I encourage anyone to live my lifestyle, no. Would I have concerns if I saw someone else living the way I live, yes. However, you don’t know me. I’m cool for now. Whatever.

Complete change of subject, mostly because I’m sick of that one. I am currently OBSESSED with Daily Grace. Go check her out. Seriously.

In closing, a random thought I found from when I was drunk the other night that I thought was rather poetic/insightful/random/slightly relavant:

I’m not entirely single because I want to be. Its because I’m so good at the lie, and so scared of the truth. Sex, lust, infatuation, they’re all so simple, easy. Truth and commitment, a future beyond the morning after, now that my friends is terrifying. Walls are safer. They contain you and all the parts you’re sure no one will want to see, they keep you safe.

Sometimes the party gets the best of you

8 Jul

Well I almost completed epic week of posting. Then came the hangover from hell and I lost my rhythm. I’ll finish the Arizona part of the story this week, promise (?). I was going to do it last weekend, but then Friday night came, got way too hammered and wanted to die for the next few days.

Did you know that technically every time you throw up from drinking you have alcohol poisoning? So I wonder what it means when you throw up on the sidewalk the next day while trying to merely survive your dog walking job…more than once. Not classy. Nor is a two day hang over. Hopefully, knowing this was my weekend earns my forgiveness for not finishing my attempt at completing something.

I may also do a Half Baked video tonight. It is Sunday after all and I didn’t even have drunken baking last week either since I felt so shitty. I’ll have to look through my pantry.

While I’m typing lets do other updates, mine as well make this productive:

Rugged Maniac Training is still going, but much less intense. The initial hurrah has died off a bit, but I’m still motivated to get this done. I’ve been watching videos to prepare for the obstacles, a few of us at work started a running group a couple days a week, and I’ve been doing Jillian Michaels videos to work on muscle conditioning. I’ve been pretty lazy the last couple weeks, but I’m determined to regain my focus now that the 4th is done and there are no other excuses until late August not to be healthy and bang this shit out.

Boys…oh boys. Nothing, I got nothing. I’ve been dating pretty regularly which is nice, but nothing is sticking. I have no complaints, I just wish my coupley friends would stop looking at me like I’m some charity case. Especially now that SMC and the Seaman are engaged. She is my best friend from college and he is a good friend from high school who I used to sleep with. Never saw that relationship ending up here, but now that it is I feel like its work to be happy for them, and they just keep talking like I’m going to be their new project. Their intentions are good, but they don’t get how patronizing they sound.

What else? Oh, remember when I had that mini break down about my life? Did I write about that? Well, I am officially moving to Arizona, probably in November. I need to save and plan and well, find a job, but I’m excited about it. I haven’t told many people, mostly because I don’t want to deal with the negativity that will come along with the announcement (I know for a fact a few people won’t exactly be happy about it), but I have a few months. I figure I’ll live in the dessert for a bit and that will be a nice little adventure then maybe England, or some tropical island for a while. I went to see “Savages” and it made me want to be a beach bum, possibly with dreadlocks.

Alright, it was nice catching up, but I have a pile of laundry calling my name.