Archive | January, 2016

Who Am I?

24 Jan

One of the questions I struggle with incessantly on this blog is personal identity. How we define who we are. What it means to be human.

News flash! I am not the only one. And I am always happy to share my struggle and the struggle of others with all of you.

Way to start off the new year Reckless.

2015 Year in Review

13 Jan

Yeah, I know it has been 2016 for 12 days already, so what!  

10 Highlights… (In chronological order)

  1. The Patriots won the Superbowl!!

I tried so hard to get tickets for that game since it was outside of Phoenix, but quickly realized that is a longer term goal because Superbowl tickets are outrageous! I had to settle for watching at home, but the lead up to that event was fun, so many events happening in the city to explore. Then, my boys won and hat always makes me happy.

  1. Michigan moved to Arizona

The process was difficult and full of doubt and questions, but once it happened, it was one of he most exciting things to happen this year by far. Despite all the turmoil that has ensued, taking that huge step for the first time is one I would not undo no matter the eventual outcome.

  1. Moving to a new apartment

In tangent, with Ben moving, we moved into a place of our own. LP had taken care of most of my last three moves, so doing it on my own and getting to chose what I wanted instead of worrying about what someone else wanted (Michigan was not picky in the least and couldn’t do much choosing from so far away) was refreshing and fun for me.

  1. New Tattoo

With the upcoming departure of one of my closes friends, we decided to get tattoos together. They don’t match and each piece has individual significance, but it was nice to go get them together. Mine was a design on my right shoulder blade that outlines Hogwarts and has a Dumbledore quote inside the castle. It is by far the nerdiest tattoo I have or probably will put on my body…and I love it!!

  1. July trip to Massachusetts

This trip was actually really difficult for me. I had to grapple with a lot of disappointment and shame. I won’t go into detail, but it made it to the highlights because with that inner battle, I also managed to come to terms with some of my mistakes and by necessity, practiced acceptance of myself and my family. In addition, I still was able to sped quality time with my family and see some dear friends.

  1. Birthday shenanigans in Flagstaff

It was just a lovely weekend with two of my favorite people.

  1. RIOT Fest in Chicago

It was a crazy weekend and three days of mud, cold, and some crazy good music. I wanted never to leave. Plus, as a side note, it has been part of a growing closeness between myself and Anarchy. She is very much becoming one of my closest recent friends.

  1. Two whole years with Michigan

The last time I hit a two-year mark with someone, we broke up a month afterward. Officially my longest lasting relationship.

  1. Taking Michigan home to Massachusetts

I realize I have devoted way too much time talking about my relationship, but we hit a lot of milestones this year as a couple and for me personally. For Christmas, I took Michigan home. Crazy, I know. He hung out with my family, met my friends, did the holidays with us…all sorts of weird feelings, but pleasant overall.

  1. Discovering Cult Classics

Best theater series ever!! They have events once a month where they show cult classics (hence the name) in a real theater. I went to my first one at the end of the year to see Spaceballs and it was a blast.

10 Disappointments…(In no particular order)

  1. Rogers and the Viking moved to Wisconsin

It broke my heart losing two ladies who I had grown so close to and I spent many of my weekends with.

  1. So…many…relationship problems

I may have hit a lot of milestones this year in my relationship, but it certainly hasn’t been an easy road. The coming year needs to bring some changes for the good or for the ugly.

  1. The Patriots non-undefeaed season

This may seem like a silly one, but when they went so long without a loss I really thought we were going to pull it off…and then we lost…to the Broncos.

  1. Failing at my goal to be debt free

It felt like one thing after another kept happening and debt still looms above me…seemingly permanently.

  1. Not getting the promotion I so very much deserve…twice

I have been saying my boss has a grudge agains me for the longest time, and I am more convinced now than ever.

  1. Re-emergence of my cigarette habit

Getting close with Anarchy is so great in so many ways, except that she invites me for smoke breaks, and I often say yes.

  1. Weight gain

Despite my best (not really) efforts, I put on some pounds this year which brings in a whole slew of self-conscious thought processes.

  1. LP moved to Portland

After moving on from being roommates, our relationship seemed to improve…and then she moved to Portland which was hard to manage.

  1. Wasting a lot of time and money

That one is a bit self-explanatory.

  1. The evening of the sprained ankle

I went to stay with LP in her swanky downtown loft, got very very very drunk, walked home alone, sprained my ankle, and then continued to make poor life choices.

3 Game Changers…

  1. Michigan moving to Arizona

Challenging many of my assumptions about life, love, and roommates.

  1. My company hiring a new CEO

But more importantly getting rid of our previous tyrant. I still feel the need for new employment when that is an option, but this new fella gives me some hope.

  1. No longer being roommates with LP

And the vast array of new and different things that come with that.

3 Things I focused on…

  1. Paying off debts

Although unsuccessful, not entirely sagnant

  1. Reading

Did you see that book challenge post? Completed!

  1. Yoga and physical activity

Although not always successful, taking care of my body is a constant goal. I realized this year I need to focus on activities that get me moving instead of just relying on gym time or Jillian Miachaels to get the job done.

3 Things I forgot…

  1. Applying for Grad School

Again

  1. Figuring out a better solution for my student loan problem.

A forever battle that I love to avoid

  1. Self Care

I overworked and under-appreciated myself often this year. In addition, I still haven’t found a therapist.

Reflection…

As most years go, this one had its up and its downs. I made a lot of choices and changes and not all of them turned out the way I would have liked, but that does’ mean they weren’t worth my time. My brain has been preoccupied with relationship woes and wins more than anything else and a piece of that girl I never waned to be again is back in action. I have he ability to change that, but the upcoming year is going to come with its own set of challenges. Some I invite, others I am terrified to face. One can only hope for the best…and a good book to get you though the rough parts.