Tag Archives: boys

Little Boys Playing Big Boy Games and Losing

6 Nov

As a woman I have never felt so disrespected in my life. This week has been a shit storm of disgusting, hateful, derogatory comments about sex, genitalia, and the use of women for the enjoyment of men….no, boys. I expect it to some extent, they are learning, but to this extreme, it has eaten at my heart and soul. No one, men, man or teen has the right or privilege to talk that way, no one. Yet I have been subjected to sit, listen, and put up with a string of commentation about my gender. Forced to keep my mouth shut because if I allowed the words I wished to say out of my mouth I would no longer be a desirable employee.

I lost it tonight on a young man who has the audacity to come into my program and discuss his male prowess in getting females into bed. If a woman, if any person, is giving you the gift of spending a night or even a moment with them, then the very LEAST you can do is give them the respect that action deserves. If you can’t even do that, you don’t deserve that gift from that person or any other. Your sexual partners are not locker room banter or a way to prove to your buddies that you are the god you think yourself to be. You are not a god, you are scum and should not for one second think otherwise.

No one is an object, whether they have slept with only you or with a hundred others. Notches on your belt don’t make you a more worthy person and they don’t make you worthy of love and affection. What DOES make you worthy of that precious event is when you are able to see it for what is is, and respect and worship the one allowing you into their most intimate spaces.

There are not enough showers to wash away the grime I feel coating every inch of my body. These are young boys and they shouldn’t already be so disenchanted with the world to treat it this way. The most unnerving thought I have is that they must have learned it somewhere. What role models do they have that they already believe the words coming out of their mouths and appropriate and acceptable? What state is our world in when from the very start, these boys are taught disrespect and fowl language are acceptable ways to address their counterparts?

To make it even worse, I have only discussed one small part of the bigger picture. Yes, their language about sex is concerning, but so is the language they use about sexual orientation and race. It is hateful language and I could preach for days about how wrong and misguided they are, but they aren’t going to change because it is coming from a 20-something white girl who in their mind doesn’t understand their generation or their communities.

I started by saying I was disgusted, but in reality maybe I am just sad.

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A Girl Worth Fighting For

14 Nov

I had a thoughtful moment in the shower this morning and wanted to get it out before I forgot because I think its important, if not for you or anyone else, for me.

Girls are always looking for that boy who will fight for them. Sometimes some of us, for a myriad of reasons, run away from something good just to see if they will chase after us. We need to be reassured that someone else finds us necessary in their life. For me it comes from the deep dark place that doesn’t always feel I am deserving of love.

More often than not in this day and age, men don’t chase. Women get older and settle because there is still that societal faux pas that we had not yet shed just yet.

That line of thought is going in a direction I don’t want to explore just yet, not why I started this so let me change tracks. Women complain that men have lost their gentlemanly qualities. Many (not all!) feel free to misuse us, objectify us, mistreat and ignore us. This slowly chips away at our self worth and confidence until we are hurt and crying and wondering how we got here.

Its a travesty. But who is really to blame? Men? I would argue that the majority of the blame is not on them anymore. Maybe in the dark ages before we had a voice, before we had rights unique to ourselves, but the suffrage movement began centuries ago. It may not have hit America until the 19th century, so maybe we have an excuse to be a little behind the rest of the world, but it has still been decades.

In my life I am blessed to have male friends who are able to love and respect me for who I am and what I bring to the table. In the past there have been some that have tried to use me for all the many reason you can use a woman, but they were quickly rebutted and either learned to have me as the friend I deserve to be, or were given a choice word and swift kick out of my life. Men are capable of treating women as they ought to be treated. It is US who allows them to believe we are objects, toys, or trash.

If a man walks up to us and asks us to become something we aren’t and don’t want to be, but we do it anyway because we feels its the only way he will love us, we tell him its ok. Read that again. We tell him, without uttering a word, that its ok.

I know why we do it. I am by no means innocent of this perpetration. However, it doesn’t make it ok. We know its not ok, we have the power to fix it, and men will adjust when we do, we simply have to find the strength within ourselves to believe we deserve it, we are worth it, we are worth fighting for.

One more track change but hopefully I’ll end up in the station I meant to end this journey in.

I started this new diet thing. I’m calling it a diet because that is what it is to me. I’m not big on dieting, I’d rather find ways to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight without radical life changes that can’t be sustained. Regardless, I fell into this one. Without going into details I am taking a hormone daily to boost my metabolism and some other stuff. The science is interesting and seems legit, but we’ll see what happens.

Anyway, I am not one of those girls that would seriously say I’m fat. I mean some days yes, when I’m feeling self conscience or bitter or just having a crappy day, but I’m a girl, it happens. On a day where I’m thinking logically and feeling up to my normal self, I would recognize that although I may wish to be a smaller pant size, I am comfortable in my skin and satisfied with my body. Yet, me, of all people, am taking a hormone to lose weight. How does this happen?

The same way women let men walk all over them. Because we walk all over ourselves first. I love those women who diet, but don’t call it a diet. They say they aren’t trying to lose weight they are just trying to be more healthy. Then a miracle happens – they lose weight! Or they give up after a week or so because nothing is happening. More power to her for convincing, not just everyone else of that, but herself as well. I sincerely hope those women can maintain that attitude forever, but its masking the underlying issues of self worth. See how I keep coming back to self worth? That is truly what it all boils down to, I’m convinced.

Ok I’m going to stop my ranting with this. We need to hold each other up. Men don’t get it (but that doesn’t mean you can’t do your part!). We need to stop calling each other sluts and whores and fat bitches and love one another so maybe one day all of us will be able to love ourselves (too touchy feely?). Side note, have you ever noticed the difference in what men call each other opposed to what women call each other? Men: Bro, Homie, Gangsta… Women: see above. Words speak volumes and we project what we feel about ourselves onto others. Just saying.

Lets boost the cheese up another notch shall we:

Sometimes the party gets the best of you

8 Jul

Well I almost completed epic week of posting. Then came the hangover from hell and I lost my rhythm. I’ll finish the Arizona part of the story this week, promise (?). I was going to do it last weekend, but then Friday night came, got way too hammered and wanted to die for the next few days.

Did you know that technically every time you throw up from drinking you have alcohol poisoning? So I wonder what it means when you throw up on the sidewalk the next day while trying to merely survive your dog walking job…more than once. Not classy. Nor is a two day hang over. Hopefully, knowing this was my weekend earns my forgiveness for not finishing my attempt at completing something.

I may also do a Half Baked video tonight. It is Sunday after all and I didn’t even have drunken baking last week either since I felt so shitty. I’ll have to look through my pantry.

While I’m typing lets do other updates, mine as well make this productive:

Rugged Maniac Training is still going, but much less intense. The initial hurrah has died off a bit, but I’m still motivated to get this done. I’ve been watching videos to prepare for the obstacles, a few of us at work started a running group a couple days a week, and I’ve been doing Jillian Michaels videos to work on muscle conditioning. I’ve been pretty lazy the last couple weeks, but I’m determined to regain my focus now that the 4th is done and there are no other excuses until late August not to be healthy and bang this shit out.

Boys…oh boys. Nothing, I got nothing. I’ve been dating pretty regularly which is nice, but nothing is sticking. I have no complaints, I just wish my coupley friends would stop looking at me like I’m some charity case. Especially now that SMC and the Seaman are engaged. She is my best friend from college and he is a good friend from high school who I used to sleep with. Never saw that relationship ending up here, but now that it is I feel like its work to be happy for them, and they just keep talking like I’m going to be their new project. Their intentions are good, but they don’t get how patronizing they sound.

What else? Oh, remember when I had that mini break down about my life? Did I write about that? Well, I am officially moving to Arizona, probably in November. I need to save and plan and well, find a job, but I’m excited about it. I haven’t told many people, mostly because I don’t want to deal with the negativity that will come along with the announcement (I know for a fact a few people won’t exactly be happy about it), but I have a few months. I figure I’ll live in the dessert for a bit and that will be a nice little adventure then maybe England, or some tropical island for a while. I went to see “Savages” and it made me want to be a beach bum, possibly with dreadlocks.

Alright, it was nice catching up, but I have a pile of laundry calling my name.