Tag Archives: happiness

The Wisdom of Youth

17 Mar

Every time he leaves it is a hard battle that I fight and for a few days I really hate the person I become. Moody, insensitive, noncomunicative…it’s like I am PMSing in overdrive.

I was at work a couple days after the last time he flew off into the night sky and trying to refocus my life by pouring the meager amount of energy I had into my kids. I was talking with two of the girls that tend to battle a lot with depression and one of them was telling me how she had been having a really good week because her friend was in town. This friend was slightly more than just a friend as they had been seeing each other before he had had to move away. Regardless of any residual feelings or lingering hopes, this boy had come into her life and reminded her what it was like to be happy at a time she was finding it hard to get out of bed each day. He was going to be leaving soon, however, and the realization had dawned on her that she liked being happy, she liked feeling excited about the day, and she liked not constantly being at war with herself. Her concern which we were discussing was that she wasn’t being happy for herself, her happiness was centered around the existence of another person, so the questioned that remained was,  “how do I find my happiness for myself?”

I tell this anecdote because it caused a revelation in myself as often conversations do with my teens. I learned this lesson once…and then again…and I’m sure more times after that. In my teenage years I was immobilized by my fears and sadness, but my 20’s brought the age of self-sufficiency in which I was confident and able to find happiness within myself and for myself. Somewhere along the way, however, perhaps I became to comfortable with the idea that I would always be able to separate myself from becoming co-dependent or stuck in a hole in which the only sunshine was another person.

I am by no means at that point, but in talking with this 15 year old girl, I realized I had been slipping and perhaps it was time to find some time to focus on my inner me…find my sunshine.

As fate would have it, that night the conversation continued, in a way, into an evening walk with LP. She knows me and knows my needs and as I was discussing my recent frustrations about the situation I have found myself in, she had some interesting insight. I had told Michigan the night before what I had been feeling about myself since his departure. He offered to give me space if I needed it and my response was, “I don’t know what I need, but I know it is not that.” Immediately I questioned that logic, and LP was the one to give a voice to why.

Michigan and I had just spent four glorious days together…non-stop, together all the time, for four days. Typically this would drive me insane (and to be honest it had started to by the end) because I am the girl that needs my me-time. I thrive on it. Him leaving should have signaled the beginning of that much needed space, but because the immediate physical distance became so great, I was still feeling the need for some sort of connection. I couldn’t make plans for next weekend then go on radio silence for two days because that is not an option for us. What I want is to sit in silence and be held, what I get is talking or nothing. See the pickle?

I still have yet to figure out the solution, but everything heals itself in time. Time will bring him closer or will end us. My hope is that time will bring clarity and understanding. There is a lesson I need to learn in this, and with luck I will learn it and everything will once again make sense. Right now I just have to find a way to be comfortable with the unknown.

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I get by with a little help from my friends

24 Oct

Social media sights get a lot of negative talk, and for good reason. We as a society have become much to programmed into the techno world with less and less face-to-face interaction. I rant as much as the next person about it on a nearly daily basis (while at the same time, very much misusing my ability to speak to a vast amount of people). But for all the negative things attributed to the internetual modalities of communication, there are a fair amount of positive aspects that can be derived as well.

I wanted to share one example of this because it inspired and moved me during a time I was struggling with some of my life choices (like yesterday).

I posted on my FB wall: “New food for thought: what make a life full? Is living responsibly always the best decision we can make for ourselves or are we supposed to take risks and live as unhindered as we can? In essence what are the things we will regret at the end of it all?”

TS responded: “The idea that we can only have a fulfilled and god-centered life if we only do hard things that make us grow/miserable–I cannot agree with this. If we are to truly be the very best that we can in order to help as many other people that we can, then happiness is key. 

Happy people have more to give than unhappy people. 

And I’m not talking about just chasing pleasure after pleasure. I’m talking about true happiness and finding the place in the world where you personally fit. Some people fit in one place their whole lives. Others need to travel, finding fulfillment in many places. We should look at other’s lives as guidelines, not rules–things to maybe try so we can find what works best for us. 

Good luck my friend.”

BC responded: “Happy people have more to give than unhappy people. 

I completely agree, but your initial statement somewhat contradicts that in a few ways. 
1) people do find pure, unsolicited, genuine happiness through God. Some may say it gives people the strength and the example, as Christianity means putting the teachings of an exemplary figure, (J. Christ) into practice. It’s ACTION rather than thinking. 
2) Religion can bring out the very best in your spirit. Through that constant connection, your esteem, worth and value are raised due to a better understanding of yourself, purpose and direction. You DO have more to give, and an “endless, infinite battery” you use to recharge yourself everyday. 

I think we just need to tap into our source of energy, whether it’s God, individuals in your life, or exemplary figures that show us there is something deeper. It’s finding that energy source that will keep you running and active, being the best you can be in order to, as it was mentioned before, “help as many other people as we can”. Help them reach that happiness you’ve obtained:)”

KD responded: “Its technically about focusing on living in holiness, not happiness…BUT happiness falls into place naturally on our journey because its a gift from God…this is much easier said than done because we are humans. We will never be perfect in this life and God does not expect it, but He does expect us to SEEK holiness above our selfishness. Like I said, easier said than done- just ask me. 😉;) I also like what Tai emphasized- its not about seeking pleasure after pleasure, but finding where we fit.”