Tag Archives: online dating

The Carpenter

16 Apr

I feel like its been a while since I’ve talked about adventures in the world of romance. I think part of my goal in starting to blog again was to channel Carrie from Sex and the City. I in fact want to BE Sarah Jessica Parker, but that is altogether a side note from why I started this post.

A couple posts ago, I debated the relevance of online dating (click here to satiate any curiosity). Post posting I went on a few dates off POF. The first was a dud, the night wasn’t bad, but red flags kept kicking up, and he never called me anyway. Sorry I didn’t want to go back to your place to “play 007.” Can we even recognize that as a “get in my pants” line?

Anyway, I really only went out with that one because the guy I had been talking to simultaneously and who I actually wanted to ask me out hadn’t yet. We had been exchanging messages for like 2 weeks before he even asked for my number. He didn’t want to “jump over any steps” or something. I found this endearing and I was intrigued.

We’ve been on 4 dates since, and although the beginning was entertaining and sweet, I have since begun to lose interest through no fault of the Carpenter’s (ps he’s a carpenter).

I’m sick. I want to have to work for what I want or I quickly loose interest. I like to hear someone tell me “no” because it poses a challenge. In the end, that is what happened with HB. It was too easy, I knew I had won before we even began, and the thrill of the chase was gone. I see myself falling into the same pattern with the Carpenter.

Of course every girl wants a guy to fall at her feet and tell her how amazing she is. Unfortunately, its just not enough. We need a mystery. A feeling of suspense. That’s what creates the excitment to move forward, the yearning to see what’s around the corner. When all the cards are on the table, it takes away the climax.

Our first date was simple, kind of fun, nothing extraordinary. I hinted all day that I had nothing to do that night, but it wasn’t until a couple hours before we actually planned to meet up. I should have taken this as a sign. I broke my first rule: no accepting dates the day of. I just didn’t see the harm in making an acception. We had dinner and watched a movie at my place. He was so innocent, not pushy at all, I again didn’t see the harm. Broken rule number 2: no hanging out at my apaertment for the first 3 dates. We were off to a great start.

He didn’t even kiss me at the end of the night. At the time I saw this as a sign he was respectful and a gentleman.

Date two I wanted him to plan. He didn’t. I suggested we go into Boston, I drove, I navigated, I was in control. I like being in control, its hard for me not to be, but also healthy for me to relinquish. We won’t go into the gritty details, but at the end of the night, I let him come up for a bit, he asked if he could kiss me, and we made out for a bit. Again, nothing extraordinary.

Date 3 I rescheduled 3 times. I’m a busy lady, but I did feel bad so I offered to make dinner. I hadn’t started by the time he got to my place, which was fine. It also lead to me learning an important lesson. He hovers. Every move I made caused a ripple effect. I think it was the first time I was legitimately annoyed with him, and a boundary once broken, is hard to rebuild.

We went walking after, got ice cream, and watched some of the Bruins game. I wanted him to make it up, to prove to me I was beginning to form an unwarranted opinion.

The last date we went on was a couple weekends ago. I explicitely told him to have a plan, that I was letting him take the lead. I thought maybe with the right encouragement…

He had no plan.

I chose dinner and a movie and tried to rein in the bubblying bitchiness that was floating to the surface. I had to keep reminding myself this is a good guy, its not his fault he’s not the right guy for me. When that didn’t work I had to continuously scold myself for not giving him enough of a chance. Really, he hadn’t DONE anything, but treat me like a princess. The only problem with me being a princess is that he was playing the role of jester, and I was growing impatient.

I am now in an internal debate over what to do. I don’t want to give up on him, but it is glaringly obvious to me that the liklihood of me growing to adore his shortcomings is slim.

He’s texted a few times, but I just can’t bring myself to make time for him. I feel like there should be more, but I think I just needed to write this to make sure I thought this through.

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Online Dating: A better fishing pole, or just a smaller, more desperate pond?

6 Mar

I go back and forth a lot on the concept of online dating sites. I admit I have been through the gambit. Being single for 4+ years leads to moments of intense weakness where society has wriggled its tentacles into your brain and made you believe you have a tumor in your emotional quadrant which can only be fixed by huddling under the covers in your dark room frantically describing every aspect that makes you you in under 500 characters. When I reach these low points, I have thrown any glimmer of shame out the window and respond to pretty much anyone who emails me, convincing myself that they only LOOK like a creeper, and they were nervous when they typed, “…and love mutilating rabid baby chickens in my basement after a night staring down women’s shirts,” trying to be funny or something.

It often doesn’t take long to realize what I have done and yell obscenities at society for trying to brainwash me again, but really more because I’m mad at myself for tempting fate again. It really is a miracle I haven’t been murdered or sodomized yet.

We all know the people that have found their one true love on a website, gotten married, had babies, lived, for better or worse, happily ever after. Then why is it every time I get to the point I decide maybe I could be one of those people, the only guys that email me are either shy and desperate or pot smoking losers living in their mom’s basement with three kids by three different women (yeah, that ACTUALLY happened). Where is my knight in shining armor dammit!!

I do in fact prefer meeting people organically. The problem is, this is not the fad anymore. Since graduating college, the only ways I actually meet new people are through friends, or at bars. The bar scene is not ideal as drunk generally=horny and music=grinding. This equation more often than not leads to awkward make out session and/or hook ups or a phone number exchange in which the guy tries to get in my sober pants the next day (cause THAT’s gonna happen). My conclusion is that bars do not equal intimacy, reality, or sincerity.

The mutual friends equation generally hosts better results, but can also end in more awkwardness than kicking your one night stand to the curb. Friends of your friends stick around and you often end up bumping into them on occasion unexpectedly after it is decided (mutually or otherwise) that its not going to work. Then, when you cycle through all of them you have to go make new friends so you can have more options to chose from again.

What do you do then, I ponder, when you want to meet new people, avoid awkward post-break off encounters, and not get a drink spilled on you when some drunk dick builds up the semen to ask for your number? Online dating website of course.

In the interests of full disclosure, I will now admit that I recently decided to begin this arduous sojourn once again when LP told me she had had a bit of luck. Thinking of it now, I suppose she ALWAYS has a bit of luck in her back pocket that I never seem to share. Its been about a week since I started fishing and have fallen into the same rut. One or two have peeked my interest, but I’m concerned that it won’t stick for obvious reasons. The excitement has already worn off, doubt has taken root, and I’m getting that negative feeling in my gut.

I guess I’ll update when necessary…I just wanted to analyze a bit. I feel like I have not been given proper choices, so I guess I wanted to bitch a little too.

LP and I were talking about this a minute ago and her response: “You can’t win if you don’t play the game…its like the lottery!”