Tag Archives: training

“To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.”

24 Oct

May 2013 – – For the past few months there has been a hole in my life, initially easy to ignore, as of late easier to blame on missing family, friends, and the place I’ve called home for over 20 years…about a week ago, within the spanse of 48 hours the dawning realization occurred to me that although these things do in fact have an impact on my inner peace, the majority of the emptiness has been having no where to put my deeper need to put my healing hands (for lack of better terminology) to use. I missed my work, yes a job is important, but that driving force that put me in this profession in the first place is tantamount. I finally have a whole new gaggle of kiddos whose lives I can’t wait to be a part of.

After three long days of training and two days of shadowing, I was finally settled into a new rhythm and doing what I do best. Its not perfect, and not all of it is roses, but its fulfilling in a way that making coffee in a cafe could never be. It may just be because I am new, but it feels good to quickly have become a requested staff member.

It feels even better that within a half hour on my first day I had a client connecting with me and processing some tough stuff she was going through. These kids are so lost and most of them find it so hard to trust people that it is an honor to be so easily accepted as someone she could talk to.

Then the first day I was alone in a dorm after training I had to give a consequence out. I hate consequencing, always have. I used to work in a group home, a much different setting, but similar kinds of kids, back when I first graduated college. It was a difficult adjustment for me. The shy awkward kid I once was peeked it head out and taking the authority role on was a big step. Being here in a similar position adjusting so easily made me think back and see all the strides I have taken in the last five years. I always thought of my four years in school being the formative years, the ones that changed me and made me who I am. However, every once in a while a moment comes that reminds me life is a process of changing. Sometimes it is fast and hard and sometimes it is slow and steady, but it is a constant process.

Finally, I am thankful for supportive coworkers. They may not realize the impact of little acts of kindness, but they are enormous and meaningful. I feel connected to this place because of the people that surround me and I am immeasurably grateful for the opportunity.

Every Blessing Comes with a set of Curses

7 May

You know the saying. Hindsight is 20/20. That’s all well and good except that most days I wish I could see the future as well as I can see the past. Not even the details, just the vague outline. But that’s what its all about right? Not knowing. Jumping into the abyss day after day and hoping you come out the other side with no major injuries. I mean, in reality, sometimes even the past takes some time to come into focus. It could be months, years, even decades before it all makes sense.

This is starting to sound decidedly negative-y which was not my intention in the least. I guess I’m just feeling reflective…or something.

Really I wanted to share some big news. As of this week, I am officially employed! (Jumps up and down in a very cheerleader type fashion) Not almost employed like before when I got all excited, but for real employed and starting on Monday. Clearly I have mixed feelings about it. It would be out of the norm for me to just simply be satisfied, let’s be honest. I am thankful to have a job again, something to do with my days, and an actual income. I am excited to start catching up on bills and start the arduous process of rebuilding my savings account. I am ecstatic to stop being anxious about failing in this great endeavor and having to return home with my head hung in shame. Seriously, probably would have become a hermit if that had happened for at least 6 months.

However, I can’t help but not be as excited as I could be. Reality did not meet expectation in the end and part of me is severely disappointed. I feel like I’m taking a huge step back. I guess starting over means starting from scratch, but I was kind of hoping I could start everything else over and still maintain the progress I had built in my career path. Perhaps that was too much to ask for.

The job is in a residential facility for teen coping with mental health and substance abuse. I’ve done this before so I know I can do it again, but I left originally for a reason. Its a lot of stress, a shit schedule, and the pay cut is significant. It IS in my field so its going to pay off in the end, but the question is how long the waiting will take.

I put a six month time stamp on it. I will work my ass off and focus on the positive until then. After I put in the time (and get financially stable again) then I can kick it into high gear and find something I actually want and can feel passionate about again. Not to say that I’ll entirely stop looking for six months or that if something works out that is better for me then I won’t take it, I just refuse to stress over it until then.

In other news, TOGA is all done fixing the bitch whore and soon she will be sold and a little extra cash will be coming my way.

In other boy news, add another one to the list. LP and I have been getting to know our new downstairs neighbors. There’s three guys, all single, but one of them, Jack-of-all-trades, and I have been spending a lot of time together. It started a couple weeks ago. LP had been out, I was partying with people at the complex, when she came home there were more people that came with her…one of those nights. As the night quieted down, LP, one of the Parasites, and I were outside on our porch-esque area having a conversation when we heard the guys downstairs. LP being LP said something and one thing lead to another before we were all outside their apartment making introductions and chatting. Jack is a talker to say the least and has some pretty amazing stories to tell and if you have caught on about LP much, she can get pretty social herself. Personally I was commenting where I had an input, but mostly just enjoying the atmosphere.

The one thing I do remember talking about was my situation which at the time was still jobless and getting short on the financial side. Jack has a few projects he’s working on and said in a mostly off-hand way that he might be able to help me out. It was a nice thing to say, but I didn’t put much stock into it, I mean I had JUST met him. However, a few days later, there he was outside his apartment again when I came home in the afternoon from some distraction, and asked me if I had a second to talk. We went into his apartment, he told me about this project he’s been working on, and details about how I could get involved. Since then, I’ve been helping out where I can, less for the money, more because his personality makes it so hard to say no. Jack is very open and make you feel comfortable just by how he holds himself. Sometimes we hang out and work on something for his business, sometimes we just hang out, but I always lose track of time. I’m not getting all girly here, just stating facts.

Regardless of what happens with Jack, or with the job, or anything else that is in the development stages, I finally feel a bit more at peace and that is a nice feeling. The temperature is on the rise and so am I. New adventures await.

PS Happy Cinco de Mayo…meant to stick that story in here, but got a little carried away. Suffice it to say, it did not go as expected…aka I was convinced I could stay sober then ended up in bed (FULLY CLOTHED!) with two guys.