Tag Archives: wedding

Year End Reflections

28 Dec

Reflections #Pinterest

 10 Highlights…

  1. Going to San Diego in August.

Not only was this my first time in California, putting my toes in the Pacific waters, but it was also a long needed roomie/bestie trip with LP. We had a total blast for four days and enjoyed some sun, sand, and shenanigans.

  1. Mom and Dad coming to visit in April.

So many things happened during the two weeks they were here. I failed at hosting my first holiday (see below), they met Michigan for the first time (only the second time they have met a significant other), and we went on a four day road trip to see Sedona, The Grand Canyon, and Vegas (their first, and probably last, time).

  1. Speaking of Michigan (the man), he was a huge part of my year as well.

All of his visits were definitely highlights and something that made this year bearable at times. From him coming in March when we went to a Cubs game and the Renaissance Fair, to spending out first holiday together over Thanksgiving, every one was special and left me wanting more. We also celebrated ONE WHOLE YEAR together in October, which still blows my mind.

  1. My visit to Michigan (the state) in January also falls under the highlights category.

Not only did I get to Michigan(theman)’s home and meet his family, but I got to check off a whole new state from places to see before I die.

  1. Rogers and The Viking’s Wedding.

This June occasion was momentous for a few reasons. First, two of my dear friends tied the knot and even asked me to be a part of their beautiful day. Second, I got to go on a mini road trip with Michigan including a ferry ride across Lake Michigan (this Michigan thing is getting very confusing, note to self, consider new nic name…other note to self, no nic names after places anymore). Third, I checked off two more states with a visit to Madison, Wisconsin for the wedding and Chicago, Illinois on the way home. Fourth, Chicago!

  1. Anytime I get to go to Vegas is always on my list.

This year I had the pleasure of going twice! The first time was in March when TOGA and gang went for a week. I drove up for a night and although not as amazing as I had hoped, still mention-worthy. The second was for my 27th birthday. I got to share a long weekend with friends and have a roller coaster of a time with all the ups and downs you have to expect when Vegas is part of the equation.

  1. I am grouping together two outings for number seven because the bonding element they have was that I was able to share them with The Viking and Rogers:

*Monument Tour in August (Seeing Paramore is always epic and seeing Fall Out Boy along with them….there are no words!)

*Arizona Cardinals v. Detroit Lions in November (Football, friends, stadium full of screaming fans….what is here no to love)

  1. I am devoting number 8 to two anniversaries that fell in the last year.

The first was one year in Arizona in March and the second was one year at The New Foundation in May. This has been the most intense adventure of my life so far, but every step has been worth it. Mistakes included, I have become a better person, and even though my job is not he best, it is a stepping stone to higher goals (one which I very soon hope to step off of).

  1. The Biggest Loser competition I orchestrated at work in June/July (and almost won).

A lot more commitment running the show than I thought, but definitely a fun time for my crazy organized side. It was a close race and I am proud to say I worked hard to push myself to be better.

  1. Last but not least, although it may seem minor, I got contacts again for the first time since high school which has allowed me to have much more comfort while riding my bike to work and going to yoga.

**I would like to make honorable mention of two other events, which did not quite make the top ten, but none-the-less are worth mentioning.

Saint Patrick’s Day – An eventful day after which I could not look at Thai Curry the same way again.

Home for Christmas – The only reason I am suspecting this did not bump one of the other contenders above is because as I am writing this list, it has not yet happened.

10 Disappointments…

(In no particular order)

  1. My second DUI.

Between the horrific jail experience, the financial insecurity, the hassle of having an interlock in my car, and the enormous time commitment this has required, it trumps any other failure I have had this year.

  1. Not getting the job as AYSF.

Liz recommended me, I felt more than qualified, but due to my license issue, it was not meant to be.

  1. Missing Riot Fest in Denver with Anarchy.

Such an amazing opportunity wasted again because of the DUI fallout (seeing a pattern yet?). Then to see pictures and hear stories when Anarchy got back, ugh!

  1. Not seeing the Patriots when they came to play the Chargers in San Diego.

No money, no ticket, and LP is in the habit of ditching me anyway.

  1. The fallout with TOGA.

He got into a relationship, I don’t understand, we haven’t talked since. I realize his is probably an unhealthy reaction on my part, but I am not ready to come to terms with it yet.

  1. Decline in relationship with LP.

Although I expect tensions to ease when we are no longer roommates, there are definite differences to our friendship, which are not all entirely fixable.

  1. Being unable to fly back East for an entire year.

And in the process missing out on some pretty big life events friends have been experiencing. Feeling homesick is not a fun feeling.

  1. Misusing a lot of my time.

Whether it was due to laziness, depression, exhaustion, etc. I was not the best at making use of my time wisely.

  1. Easter Dinner.

I wanted Easter to be this impressive affair where I cooked for my family and my boyfriend and everyone was impressed with my hosting skills. I left myself no time and we went out to dinner instead.

  1. Continuing to be church-less.

It is a need I have been feeling I need to fill again, but between work and social anxiety, it hasn’t happened yet.

3 Game Changers…

  1. DUI

I am sure you can see the pattern above. It had affected every aspect of my life.

  1. Switching to IOP

It has been a fun and skill-building experience, bringing me closer to a co-worker and providing me with a little more freedom at work.

  1. Building a relationship with Rogers and the Viking.

They have been supportive and fun, really adding my connection to Arizona and my life here. I really believe that if there was no other reason to have moved here, they would have been more than enough to make it worth while. I will be sad when they moved back to Minnesota.

3 Things I focused on…

  1. Michigan

He is dear to my heart and I have spent a lot of time cultivating a strong, healthy relationship.

  1. Work

Not always my favorite place to be, but useful in developing skills and getting out of debt.

  1. Yoga

Being healthy is an up and down battle for me, but yoga has given me a hobby that pushes me to want to make goals and actually reach them. It fuses the body control aspect I once found so addicting in dance and the strength-building benefits I have been trying to accomplish, plus a side of meditation. Mind, body, and soul working together.

3 Things I forgot…

  1. Applying for Grad School

As I am writing this, there is still time to squeak that in under the wire, but I have my doubts. There is always next year (she said once again).

  1. Figuring out a better solution for my student loan problem.

For years now I have been battling with Salliemae just to get them to give me some small relief from the debt I have collected. After hearing about a couple different programs I may be eligible for, I have still done little more than minor research around them.

  1. Therapy.

Several times this year I felt I had hi a wall. Being in mental health I am a huge advocate for reaching out for support from professionals when life becomes too overwhelming. I still struggle to take my own advice.

Reflection…

I can’t say this year has been easy, nor can I say I have always been happy, but that is life. This year was more difficult than others, but out of adversity comes strength. I regret things that have happened, they will continue to affect me for years to come. However, that is not what I want to focus on as the year closes out. I want to focus on the relationships that have been built on love and acceptance. The changes that have lead my family and I to come to new understandings of one another. Big goals for the future and new roads I have been lead down. Life will never be easy, and I am thankful to have things to look back on that brought light even to he darkest of places. Here is to a year full of challenges and overcoming them.

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Acceptance

22 Jun

I wrote a post a while back about not needing to define myself with labels. I still feel labels are meaningless. They aren’t a definition of who we are, just a generic way to try to explain ourselves.

I also talked in that post about how I had never felt the need to try to define myself to my parents, particularly concerning my sexuality. This has been on my mind a lot as of late.

I was recently blessed to be part of a wedding of two dear friends I have made since moving to Arizona. These ladies are committed and beautiful human beings who I feel enhance my life more than I would have imagined. They are those friends you meet and become close almost instantaneously and know they are important practically from the start.

Sharing in their special day was exhilarating for many reasons. First, because we live in an age where it is becoming more acceptable for anyone who loves each other to express that love how they choose (Side note, the day before their wedding ceremony which was to be held in Wisconsin and then legalized later that week in Minnesota, Wisconsin passed a bill which would allow same-sex marriages to be legal in that state. Cool, right!). Second, because this particular wedding was so life affirming, and on a more personal level, I was genuinely happy for them with no taint of any other misgivings.

A week later, I was skyping with my parents for Fathers’ Day and they asked about my trip. They knew I had gone to a wedding, but they also knew I had gone with Michigan, and we had made a detour on the way back to go to Chicago. Knowing my parents, I focused less on the wedding and more on Michigan and the rest of the trip.

My mother, however, had other ideas. She did not ask about the wedding itself, but rather posed the question, “So, why did they feel the need to get married?” To which my response was, “Why did you and dad get married?” As you can imagine this is going nowhere good. Her response was, “Well, hunny, because your father and I were a boy and a girl.” “No, mom you did not get married because you were a boy and a girl, you got married because you loved each other and wanted to share that with your friends and family before God.”

And the spiral continued until we were yelling at each other.

I take what she says personally. She doesn’t know why, because she doesn’t know me. I don’t need her to know me to be happy, but this week I have been mulling over whether I haven’t told them I am not as straight as they think I am because of the reasons I have written previously, or because deep down I know that if I did, she would never accept me and arguments like this one would only get worse.

It is an odd feeling to know on some level your mother wouldn’t love you as much if she really knew who you were.

I am almost 27 years old, shouldn’t I have already gotten past this life crisis?

In truth, it is not just my sexuality they wouldn’t understand, it is all of it. In analyzing how we interact, it is because they don’t know me that we are allowed to continue as we do. I move farther and farther away to avoid dealing with it. The farther I am, the less they need to know. I wonder sometimes if they even know how clueless they are.

The Wedding

25 Oct

June 2013 – – This past weekend I flew into Massachusetts for a wedding. Three days, three nights, and a whirlwind of catching up with whoever I could. Not all the stories are notable to anyone outside myself and the rag tag circle of friends I spent my time with, but I do want to chronicle the wedding experience.

After seeing my parents off to Newfoundland, a shower, and throwing all the things I would need for the day in a bag, my good friend from high school, Red Sox Cowboy met me at my house and we were off. Mi encantadora had called me earlier in the day and asked if I would mind lending a hand setting up. Of course I said yes because I love her and I would bend over backwards for just about any of my friends. The problem was that she didn’t give me a time so I just planned to leave around one and be up there five hours early. As I am getting ready, she texts me to tell me they are at the reception hall. Crap! I tell her I’ll get there as soon as possible, but I hadn’t left yet.

RSCowboy arrives, we head up and after several reroutes because my GPS could find a way around a bridge that was out, stupid thing, we finally get there…but no one is there. Fail number one. The wedding wasn’t stating until 7 so RSCowboy and I decided to go pregame a bit at Chilis then grab a bottle of vodka and head to the beach. That killed almost enough time and after driving around (to use a How I Met Your Mother reference) eating a sandwich, we got to the church with plenty of time to change and be ready for the ceremony.

Only the ceremony started at 5:30 and we were an hour late. Fail number two.

Running into the church, not entirely sober, dressed in short shorts and a tshirt, clearly not my finest moment. Not to mention I met former coworkers in the paring lot who were extremely confused about my attire. After beelining it to the bathroom, changing so fast I almost fell over more than once, and doing my best to make sure my make up didn’t look whore-ish, we went to the reception sight and as inconspicuously as possible found seats. 

The reception was a blur. Between the alcohol I began consuming to quell my nerves and embarrassment, and the trips to the parking lot with old friends to have a couple more…sandwiches…I am surprised I was upright. 

Have I mentioned I don’t do weddings?

Regardless, it was nice catching up with everyone, and even nicer to see the bride and her sketch-ball hubby finally tie the knot (I mean they’d been dating for like a million years…or seven…same dif). I did leave the shin dig with all of my belongings, a nice party favor, and a new hat (that I really should return).